


Transmigradas: New York Chapter

by MA477LL



Series: Transmigradas [1]
Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-06-30 04:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19845949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MA477LL/pseuds/MA477LL
Summary: A look at the lives of Valentina and Juliana during the two-year time jump, and a bit beyond.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to post this in time for the Juliantina Appreciation Week, but obviously, failed (>.<). There's a bit of Spanish, but should be ok if you've watched the series. A bit of meta. A bit of silliness. Lots of feelings.

Anyone who ever met Valentina would agree that the youngest Carvajal had been gifted with many qualities.

Also, that patience was _not_ one of them.

“Juliana, I think we’d better go.” She turned to grab her leather jacket, hips rising slightly from the chair. Strands of her long hair brushed pleasantly over Juliana, the air moving around her, sending a wave of her scent towards Juliana, who inhaled deeply.

Juliana reached out on instinct, her body attuned and forever following Valentina whenever she moved away, even by a few inches. Her fingers reached to circle the warm skin of her wrist, delicately moving around it, as her thumb started to slowly caress Valentina’s pulse point, trying to placate her.

It was _never_ a good sign when Valentina used her full name.

It did not happen often, but it never failed to make Juliana a bit nervous.

She swallowed, “Val,” and tried to catch her eye, but Valentina stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge her.

Still, and stubborn as she would have been to admit it, she _was_ slightly mollified.

Her shoulders dropped and her posture changed minutely, her body involuntarily folding itself towards the point where their skin was making contact.

Juliana’s hand on her was a powerful sedative for all illnesses, real and imagined.

Juliana turned towards Lupita. They were all sitting in Barbara’s living room, around a small table covered with a red velvety cloth. Barbara was facing them, while Lupita and Milagros sat to both their sides. There were a few candles around the room, and with the sun going down in the late afternoon, it was starting to feel oppressive.

“Mom, can you please stop saying these things? How ridiculous-,”

“But, Juli, _hija_ , I swear it’s the truth,” she said as she cut her eyes towards Barbara in a manner that, Juliana, quite frankly, found melodramatic.

_Too many telenovelas._

She could almost hear Panchito’s voice, _Lupe, por Dios, change the channel_.

Juliana saw Milagros crossing herself out of the corner of her eye.

“This is just nonsense, Lupe,” Juliana said firmly, already exasperated by their antics. She turned Valentina’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and pulling lightly. “Look, Val and I are going to go home, and-”

“It’s a conspiracy!” Barbara interrupted, “It’s all here,” she stabbed the table with a pointy finger, “look! It’s in the cards!”

Lupita nodded solemnly as Barbara showed them three cards; the first one, an evocative image of what looked like two mermaids intertwined, the second one, a cloaked figure, the final one, an industrious looking woman sewing a blanket.

This last one was the cause of the current discussion.

The woman looked like she may be quite old and with short red hair... _Maybe_.

“It’s Chivis!” Lupita said loudly, pointing an accusatory finger at the card, taking it from Barbara and almost shoving it under Juliana’s nose.

“Who’s Chivis?” asked Milagros. She had her phone out and had been not so discretely taking pictures of Valentina and Juliana.

“ _Why_ is Milagros here?” hissed Juliana. “Milagros, I swear that if you upload a video of this to YouTube, I’m going to-,”

“Give it back!” Barbara lunged over the table, making a grab for the card, affronted that someone would touch her cards. It overturned the small table, which crashed to the side, making all the cards fall to the floor. A chicken popped out from under the table.

Lupita screamed as the chicken jumped over her.

“What the-,” whispered Juliana.

“It’s _NOT_ Chivis!” shouted Valentina, making everyone fall silent.

Juliana opened her eyes wide, staring at Valentina.

Even the chicken looked up at her.

Juliana loved it when Valentina showed her temper.

Passionate Valentina just did _things_ to her.

The chicken took that moment to let out a loud clucking sound.

Juliana had to cough to hide a laugh.

_This is just ridiculous._

Lupita glared at her, making Juliana cough again to hide her smirk.

Valentina disentangled their hands primly, reaching to take the card from Lupita with two fingers, while swatting at Barbara’s arm, who was still trying to get it back, “Chivis would _never_ cut her hair like this,” she rolled her eyes at them as she moved the card above their heads and away from grabby hands, “you’ve seen how Chivis likes to cover her ears, she wouldn’t be caught dead with such short hair on the sides,” she turned almost challenging towards Lupita, pointing at something in the card.

Lupita looked stricken by this bit of logic and almost reluctantly started nodding, “it’s really not a flattering style.” She frowned. “Did Juli tell you about that time she cut her hair short when she was in high school? She looked like _El Chavo del Ocho_ ,” she confided as she reached to touch Juliana’s hair, making her whine.

“Awww, mom.”

“It’s much nicer now,” this, she said to Valentina, ignoring her daughter and nodding sagely, “you’re a good influence.”

There was a shock of light as the flash of Milagros’ phone went off.

Juliana rubbed her forehead.

_Why is this my life?_

She opened her mouth to try to get a word in, but Lupita interrupted again, bringing the conversation back to Chivis, “she was onto you both! Always trying to run interference!” she turned to Juliana, “I’m sure that she’s in this organization that Milagros and I found about on the Internet, Juli, I told you about it: the _Transmigradas_ ,” she nodded at Milagros, “ _transmigradas_ ,” she frowned as she looked at the phone, “something something.”

“Something something is _not_ a scientific term, I’m quite sure.” Valentina interjected.

“It _so_ is, look,” Lupita said peevishly, and turned her phone towards them, showing them a website called “Metempsychotics Mexican Chapter.”

“Catchy name,” nodded Juliana.

Valentina pinched her side lightly, “don’t be sarcastic,” and graciously accepted the phone from Lupita, cradling it in her hand in a way that allowed both her and Juliana to read.

Juliana took the opportunity to move closer. She leaned into Valentina, her arm going around her waist. Valentina immediately leaned back, melting into Juliana’s half embrace.

The second entry on the website was an article written by a blogger named “Silvina in DF,” under a headline that read “Beware! Transmigrated souls walk among us.”

“Chivis and Alirio!” said Lupita, “they are both in the conspiracy!”

“And that boy, Sergio,” Barbara added in a low voice, “look at this card,” she showed them the card with the dark figure, “it’s the shadow of a friend, someone close to you, that betrays you.”

Valentina tensed at that.

Sergio _had_ betrayed her already. In the most painful of ways.

Barbara was trying to warn them, reading the future, the past. Time was circular as far as she was concerned. What was ahead was also what was behind. She thought Chivis was in the past, Sergio in the future. It seemed to Valentina that she had it in the wrong order.

Barbara showed them another card, “the crossroad,” she said, looking at Valentina. “A decision. You’ll have to make an important decision, soon.”

Valentina shook in Juliana’s arms, spooked.

Juliana noticed and so, she mumbled only for her to hear, “Silvina _did_ kinda hate me,” trying to bring back some of the previous levity.

Valentina moved her arm around Juliana’s shoulders, closing the embrace and leaning into her neck, “she didn’t,” she brushed her lips over Juliana’s ear, making her blush, “nobody could hate you.”

There was another flash of light.

“Milagros!”

Valentina disentangled herself from Juliana and reached for her hand, squeezing it, “shhh, _mi amor_ , let’s just go home?”

She turned her face to give her a soft kiss, and then, rose from the chair, pulling Juliana behind her by the hand. She stepped around the overturned table, pocketed the card with the two mermaids, and gently nudged the chicken away with her leg.

“Barbara, I’m going to call the Health and Safety people on you.”

Then she nodded towards Lupita, “ladies, please excuse us.”

They made it to the car before Juliana was hit by a fit of giggles. “Can you imagine?” she laughed, “Alirio, _agente secreto_?”

“Zero zero zero zero zero zero seven.”

Juliana laughed again, “and I think you missed a few zeros.”

xxx

By the time they arrived at the Carvajal mansion twitter had exploded with the news about the card reading at Barbara’s.

The #Carvaldes tag was inundated with pictures of them.

Valentina Carvajal and Juliana Valdés had been a popular couple in social media since Valentina appeared in national television and outed them. Juliana’s successful show at Acapulco’s fashion week the previous month, where Valentina had modeled part of the collection, had revived their internet fame, and although it was starting to die down a bit, they had been a trending topic a few times in the last couple of weeks.

To Juliana’s amusement, most of the pictures were of the chicken. It seemed that everyone loved that part of their afternoon best.

“Milagros uploaded pictures to social media,” Juliana groaned, a hand going through her hair.

“Did she,” Valentina took out her phone, checking the tag.

She smiled as she discretely saved the picture that Milagros had taken when she had leaned into Juliana’s neck. Juliana was blushing prettily in it.

Juliana scrolled through the pictures and liked the one where the chicken had jumped over her mother. Milagros was an _excellent_ photographer, she had to give it to her. She could take pictures for National Geographic.

“Is that really your favorite?” Valentina asked, looking over Juliana’s shoulder.

Juliana pulled her phone away, laughing.

“Mom has to pay us back for this evening. I’ll make this picture her profile photo.”

They walked inside the large house; arms intertwined. It was quite late, “what would you like to do for dinner?” Valentina asked, trying to sound noncommittal.

“Let’s order some take-out?”

Valentina smiled. That probably meant that Juliana intended to stay the night.

It was not truly a point of contention between them, but Juliana was just so independent; it was common for her not to stay overnight. She just did not want to depend on Valentina financially, and Valentina was doing her best to respect that.

Of course, if it had been up to her, Juliana would have stayed over _every single night_. She would have moved in with Juliana, as well, if an invitation was ever forthcoming. In fact, she had all her basics packed up, just in case the opportunity ever presented itself.

_It never hurts to be prepared._

She did not hide it from Juliana, either.

“Juls, I respect you, and I know that it’s important to you to stand on your own feet, but also, I want you to know that I’m ready for us to take the next step,” she told her the day Juliana had stumbled upon the packed boxes.

“¿ _Qué_?”

“I don’t want you to feel bad or to put pressure on you, because this isn't about that at all, but I also want you to know, without any doubts, that I'd like for us to live together,” she smiled, “whenever you’re ready.”

“Are you seriously just going to be packed waiting for it?”

“I _am_.”

“Val,” she whined, “why do you have to be so dramatic?”

“You love me for it,” she had laughed and hugged Juliana to her.

“I do,” Juliana had admitted.

Juliana had never met anyone like Valentina, someone who was willing to put herself completely on the line, no barriers up, nothing held back. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do.”

“And that I’m not ready to move in just yet?” Valentina nodded, “but I will, Val.” 

They had been together for over two years by then, but everything still felt so new. Maybe it always would. They were still navigating their boundaries. And, despite Valentina’s hopes, living together did not seem to be a priority for Juliana just yet.

“I cannot give myself unless there’s _more_ of me to give, Val,” Juliana had told her that night between kisses. They were naked, in Valentina’s bed, and she had just made Juliana come unexpectedly fast.

It had not taken long into their relationship for Valentina to realize that Juliana was very sensitive to her touch, and that she would come easily, and so Valentina had to be careful if she wanted to keep her on the edge for a bit. Truth was, she loved to have a whining Juliana in her arms, shaking and panting, grumbling at Valentina to move faster.

Still, Juliana was usually good for a bit of teasing.

Not that night.

She was too worked up well before they got started.

“You’re so wet,” Valentina whispered as she moved her fingers carefully between Juliana’s legs. She found her clitoris and started to draw small circles around it, tighter and tighter, before finally beginning to rub it in the pulsing manner Juliana liked.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Juliana confessed as she moved her hips, “ah, there, yes,” her legs restlessly rubbed against Valentina’s. “Ah, oh god. Oh, god, wait,” she hissed, “Val, I’m going to-,” she tensed under her, “Val,” she whispered as she trembled in her arms, her inner walls contracting as she came.

“Who’s the _rápida_ one now?” Valentina teased lightly, delighted.

Afterwards, Valentina cradled her in her arms, kissing her softly.

Sometimes, if Juliana felt like talking, it was the best time to see into her mind, into the things that made her tick. In bed, at night, relaxing together in the darkness and safety of either of their rooms, she would let her guard down and confess to things she would never discuss in the daylight.

“What did you mean by that?” she kissed her nose softly, “you have so much to give, Juls.”

“You are-, you are _a lot_ , Val,” she whispered, shaking her head, “you just-, you don’t see yourself, but I do.”

“I see you, too.”

“No, no,” Juliana shook her head, “you are a lot, a lot.”

“So are you, _mi amor_.”

“No, listen, Val,” she moved her hand to Valentina’s face, “you’re just so gorgeous,” her thumb lightly caressed her cheek, “like cover of Vogue magazine beautiful. People stare at you all the time,” she laughed, self-conscious, “ _I_ stare at you all the time.”

“You’re beautiful, Juls.”

“But it’s not even that, Val. You are this-, this _angel_. Like you make everything around you better. You are kind and smart and generous and you always think the best of everyone, there’s just this light you have, it shines through-,”

“Pfff, don’t make me into something I’m not.”

“I’m not, it’s just that, this-,” her finger made a circling motion between them, “I want to feel like we're truly equals, Val,” she shrugged and looked away, “and I need to accept that it may never happen,” she laughed, “but, I love you so much,” she kissed Valentina’s lips, “and I want you to feel like you can also _lean_ on me.”

Valentina cleared her throat, moving her arms around Juliana’s waist, pulling until they were resting more fully against each other, their bodies touching under the blankets from head to toe. She hissed as her chest rubbed against Juliana’s breasts. The contact sending a wave of wetness between her legs, a pulse starting to beat insistently.

She reached to take Juliana’s hand, pushing it down until it rested over her chest. “Lean on you,” she said, “what do you think I’ve been doing all this time? I’m only like this because of you, Juls. You know how I was when you first met me. I was a mess.”

“You weren’t! Your father had just died!”

“Sssh,” Valentina smiled, charmed, “don’t contradict me.”

She kissed Juliana. “I love you,” she kissed her again. “Everything is so easy when I’m with you, Juls,” every word she punctuated with a kiss, on her nose, her cheek, her brow, her mouth, and once she kissed her lips, she just stayed there, kissing her again, and again, with a bit more pressure and intent each time.

Watching Juliana come in her arms had pushed her precariously close to the edge, and she was starting to feel desperate, her hips moving, seeking contact. She threw one leg over Juliana’s hips, attempting to ease the pain between her legs. She moaned as she managed to slot herself against a protruding hipbone, her arms going more fully around Juliana, her shaking hands grabbing at Juliana as she started to move rhythmically.

“You’re brave and kind and so much more talented than me, Juls,” another kiss, this one deeper. Juliana pushed into the kiss, opening her mouth, her tongue touching Valentina’s as her hand finally, finally, moved down from Valentina’s chest, cupping a full breast.

Valentina moaned into her mouth, starting to shake, “god, I want you, Juls. Please touch me.”

xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Thanks to everyone who left comments, kudos or subscribed. I love you all (^.^)  
> ** This is a fix-it fic. I’m revisiting stuff I didn’t like/felt wasn’t closed.  
> *** After reading about the Penitentiary System in Mexico I’ve decided to take some liberties. Forgive the inaccuracies. Eva deserved better.

Valentina wrote to Eva.

Eva was sentenced to two years for money laundering. All other charges were dropped, citing lack of evidence. There was talk, among Mexico City upper circles, that the Carvajal family lawyer had paid off a few witnesses, as several of them suspiciously changed their stories during the trial, while others could no longer recall the details with clarity.

Still, two years felt like an entire life to both Eva and Valentina.

Valentina cried for days after the sentence.

Arms around her back, Juliana had stumbled up the stairs to the Carvajal mansion, almost having to physically carry Valentina back home from the trial, on the day of the ruling.

“And the baby, Juls, what’s going to happen to the baby?” she had finally asked, between hiccups.

Juliana had pushed a few strands of her long hair away from her face.

“I don’t know what to say, Val,” she had kissed her as gently as she knew how, in bed, that night, “I’m here.”

Eva could not have a phone with her, in prison. And so, at first, Valentina would keep texting her, out of habit, and would later print out screen captures, sending them to her sister, in a sort of weekly log of all her messages: full of pictures, and selfies, and small narrations of conversations.

Also, lots of silly emojis that would have annoyed Eva, in a different life.

After a few weeks, Valentina started to write to her, at first, just postcards, sent from different locations. She did themes. First, all the national parks, then, a series of leading Art Galleries. She would intentionally make fun of Frida Kahlo’s eclecticism, or complain about Diego Rivera’s naturalism. That got Eva to start replying. Eva telling her in no uncertain terms what she thought of Valentina’s uneducated views.

Later still, Valentina started to send long letters.

Letters that she wrote on her laptop whenever she was bored at University. She found that the ‘Accounting for non-Economists’ lectures were particularly productive for this purpose. She would print the letters in the library, after class. She discovered that she really enjoyed buying envelopes and stamps, finding letter boxes around the city.

She told Eva in one of her letters that she thought the last time she had sent a proper letter on the post must had been to Santa, the year before their mother died.

The foundation of their shared past gave Valentina a stronger sense of self. Pieces of memories that each had kept, melding together. Each of them holding missing parts of the overall puzzle. They gave each other little bits of their own lives. Eva gave her memories of baby Valentina, moments that had been lost to her. It made Valentina self-aware of a childhood core of values passed on by their mother, and something slotted in place inside her, soothing the pain of that untimely loss.

And at first, is was as much a diary as it was a conversation, because Eva did not answer regularly, and when she did, it would not always be strictly about replying to Valentina, but rather, about her own circumstance and thoughts. But it eventually clicked, and slowly, they got into this correspondence that Juliana was half amazed, half jealous at.

“She writes every week,” she told Lupita once, “really long letters.”

“¿ _Neta_?”

“ _Neta_.”

“But, _hija_ , this is a good thing, ¿ _no_?” Lupita hugged her to her side, rubbing her arm, “why does it bother you?”

“It doesn’t,” she shook her head, eyes downcast, “but all these things she tells Eva, shouldn’t she say to me? She spends hours on it.”

“And she writes this, when she’s with you?”

“No, never when we are together, _ma_ , but she sends them out really often, so she must dedicate a lot of time to them.”

Lupita frowned, “are you jealous?”

“No, of course not!” Juliana ran a hand through her hair, messing it. She was frustrated that she could not properly express what she meant, “it’s just, I don’t know, if she sends all these letters to her sister, maybe there are things on her mind, right? Things that she worries about, and that I’d like her to discuss with me.”

“Juli, _hija_ ,” Lupita smiled, charmed by this show of possessiveness from her usually stoic daughter, “that girl loves you so much, anyone can tell,” she kissed her forehead, “just talk to her if there’s something you’re worried about.”

And Juliana did, she asked about the letters, but not often.

It felt like a private thing that Valentina did, something that was hers, and Eva’s, and Juliana reasoned that if she wanted to talk to her about something, she would.

“She’s my sister,” Valentina would answer, and Juliana nodded every time, watching the way Valentina smiled when she read Eva’s letters.

In January, they talked about Leon’s move back into the house and the business, what it meant for all of them, how Valentina had forgotten that he could be quite controlling, and how no, that did _not_ make her miss Eva’s own controlling ways, _at all_.

February and March were dedicated to Guille’s struggles with the Carvajal empire, and in April, they talked about Mateo. Eva admitting how much she thought about him, how much she was still in love with him. How in the wrong she had been about-, well, about _everything_. And no, Valentina did not know when Eva lost her way either, because she had been pretty much lost as well, I mean, _dating freaking Lucho_.

“He was a complete knucklehead, Vale.”

Valentina had rolled her eyes at that, “thanks.”

“Well, he had good hair,” Eva had pointed out, “receding, but good. And he was tall, unlike that other one, Sergio?”

And for some reason, mentions of Sergio made Valentina’s skin crawl.

It was a curious thing, for she noticed that instead of getting better over time, it was getting worse. A black cloud seemed to accompany any reminders of him. She _had_ forgiven him, had she not? Still, she was happy when he moved to London a few months after Lucho’s death.

_Out of sight, out of mind._

In May, Eva sent a letter enclosed in a letter, its only heading: ‘Mateo.’

Valentina skipped all the way to the office to hand it in personally.

“Mateo,” she smiled, kissing his cheek in greeting, “I’ve got something for you, but before I give it to you, you must promise that you’ll keep it.”

“What?”

“Promise that you’ll keep it.”

“Ok,” he had laughed, charmed as always by her antics, “I promise.”

“Good,” Valentina said, and nervously searched her purse, hands trembling when she struggled to quickly locate the envelope in her huge handbag, like she could have ever misplaced _that_ letter. She finally took it out with a quiet, “aha!” and placed it face down on his desk.

He took it and turned it around, his face paling immediately, identifying Eva’s handwriting, “what-,” 

She reminded him, index finger up in the air, “you promised, Mateo, to keep it.”

Mateo looked at her, “I didn’t promise to read it.”

Valentina shook her head, “no, I’d never make you promise that,” she smiled and reached to rub his arm, “that’s up to you.”

“Ok,” he nodded and placed it on the pocket of his jacket, “yeah, ok.”

Valentina wrote back to Eva that night, telling her how he had kept a hand hovering protectively over the pocket of his jacket for the rest of the afternoon.

In June and July, their correspondence turned to Eva’s pregnancy. They discussed baby names, and churches where the priest would not ask that many questions, and where they could celebrate the baby’s baptism. Also, about who would be a good godfather, Valentina having self-appointed herself as godmother from day one.

“As _madrina_ , I think I should have a say on who’ll be the godfather.”

“Not dad,” Eva whispered, once, “I want her to grow up free, without pressures.”

“Not dad,” Valentina agreed, grabbing her sister’s hand, “what about two _madrinas_?”

When Valentina visited Eva in prison in early August, they finally decided on a name: María Luz, Malu for short. It was never said out loud, but both were pleased to have the little girl carry something of Lucia with her. Even if just a permutation of her name.

That afternoon, when Valentina had to go, they had hugged for a long time, both close to tears. Valentina had squeezed her sister, the huge baby bump in the way, until little Malu had started to kick Valentina, annoyed by this bony furnace pressing into her.

“Malu, _mi vida_ ,” Valentina whispered, rubbing her sister’s tummy, “you already have Eva’s temper.”

“Like you’re any better,” Eva laughed, tears still in her eyes.

All through their correspondence, and interjected in between all their other discussions, Valentina spoke of Juliana most of all.

She kept sending Eva screen captures from her phone filled with selfies and pictures. Eva sometimes complained that she really did _not_ need to see that many pictures of Juliana in a bikini, and that yes, Juliana looked beautiful in all of them, but please, could Valentina never _ever_ send again any pictures where she could see _exactly_ where Valentina’s hand was resting?

Still, overall, Eva did not really say much about them.

It seemed like Valentina had so much she needed to say, and Eva had been so wrong at the beginning, almost causing them to lose each other, that she thought it wiser to keep quiet.

Juliana visited Eva a couple of times, too, dragged by her sister, of course, but keen to do whatever would make Valentina happy.

Juliana knew just how important family was to Valentina.

There was a bit of tension between Eva and Juliana, and Eva was understandably not at her best. She was, after all, a heavily pregnant woman in prison. And so, Juliana quickly decided that she could be the bigger person.

Valentina could not have loved her more for it.

Juliana reasoned that it was hard to keep a grudge, when Valentina, who was the actual offended party, had decided to forgive Eva.

And truth was, seeing Eva and Valentina together, there could be no doubt in Juliana’s mind that the sisters loved each other; that Eva loved Valentina. That was all that mattered in Juliana's books.

“I’m sorry,” Eva told her, after Malu was born, one day when Valentina and Juliana had visited, bringing the baby with them.

“What?” Juliana said.

“About how I was, before, the way I talked to you,” she looked away, “I had no right.”

Juliana was quiet for a long time.

She had had the time to think about it, about how it would have all looked, from Eva’s perspective. Someone like Juliana, a dirt-poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks and with no education, appearing suddenly in the wake of their father’s death, first befriending Valentina, then, sleeping with her and moving into Chivis’ house.

“I think I would’ve reacted the same way, Eva,” Juliana acknowledged.

She knew by then that Valentina was strong, that she was not easily swayed or fooled, but there was always the nagging concern that someone may take advantage of her big heart.

Everyone around Valentina felt like that eventually. “Valentina just gives herself so freely,” Juliana smiled, looking at Valentina, as she played with Malu. “It’s hard to just stand by and not try to take care of her, isn’t it?”

Valentina could give _anyone_ a savior complex.

“She writes about you all the time,” Eva confided.

Juliana looked up, “¿ _neta_?” she whispered.

Eva rolled her eyes, “ _all_ the time,” then she smiled mischievously, “she also sends pictures. I think I’ve seen all of your bikini collection.”

Juliana paled at that, all the blood leaving her face for a moment, and then, immediately coming back, a blush starting to crawl up her neck.

“Oh, please,” Eva waved a hand in the air, “you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about,” she added wickedly, giving her an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle.

Juliana’s eyes went round; she looked down and rubbed her face, cheeks burning.

Eva cackled and stood up to join Valentina and her daughter, “I’m glad we talked.”

Juliana laughed, still blushing, “yeah,” she said quietly, “me too.”

Juliana may have pleaded that night with Valentina to please stop sending pictures of her in swimwear to her family members.

“But you look so cute, _mi amor_ ,” Valentina laughed and kissed her nose, “it’d be a crime not to brag a bit.”

“Val.”

“Juls.”

“I’m going to send pictures of you to my mother.”

“You are not.”

“I’m not,” Juliana had just sighted in defeat.

After Malu was born, the letter exchange between the sisters waned.

Eva was physically too tired. Thankfully, as a mother with a new-born baby, there were some allowances in the judicial system for someone who was in for a non-blood related crime, and who had the best lawyer money could pay for.

For the first six months, she was moved to a different facility, where she could breast feed the baby and live with her. After that, and because she had been already over a year behind bars, on perfect behavior to boot, too, the Carvajal family lawyer managed to get Eva promoted to the third-degree for the last months of her sentence. That meant that if she found a job, she only needed to go to prison at night, to sleep, and during the weekends.

Importantly, Monday to Friday, she could be at the Carvajal’s office building, where Guille gave her a job in research, from 9AM to 3PM. They hired a nannie, and so Eva could spend all her breaks with the baby, and then, be with her and the rest of the family, uninterrupted, from 3PM to 8PM, when Alirio drove her back to prison.

It would have been humiliating, except Eva, being Eva, made the walk of shame from the car to the prison, and back, look like she was the president of Mexico, walking down the red carpet at the entrance to the Madrid Royal Palace.

Head held high.

Four-inch stiletto shoes clicking the floor, announcing her arrival.

She discovered that she loved research, too. It was almost like history, the one topic she had loved so dearly in school.

By June of her year in third-degree, she launched a new section in one of the Carvajal empire magazines, dedicated to the history of art and fashion. To their collective delight, the section was an immediate hit, both because of the topic and perhaps, for having the fallen star, Evangelina Carvajal, editing it half from prison, half from the intern’s office at the Carvajal tower in downtown Mexico City.

“Why is our life so melodramatic?” Guille asked once, over dinner. “I swear they could make a _telenovela_ out of it, and we would win all the _TVyNovelas_ awards.”

“Well, maybe, but _not_ because of you,” Valentina had said.

“Hey! I’m quite handsome, you know? I mean, I could pass as the dark, tall, romantic hero,” he showed them his profile, pointing his chin in the air.

Juliana rolled her eyes, “pass the tabasco, please?”

Valentina and Eva saw each other quite often, in those months when Eva gained her third-degree freedom. The countdown to full freedom, the success of her magazine section, and the tentative mending of her relationship with Mateo, settled her, and finally, Eva started to feel more like herself, like she was finally able to step out of her head, out of her own problems.

Like maybe she could, and should, turn her introspective eye towards Valentina.

Valentina had just finished University, a copy of her journalism degree blue-tacked to the wall in Eva’s room, proudly on display.

She had her whole life ahead of her.

Eva wanted all the things that were good for her sister.

_Valentina deserves them._

And so, she moved strings, calling old favors and mobilizing her network, and got Valentina an interview to do an internship with The New York Times, starting from September.

Eva had always been the brightest one out of the three siblings.

Guille, by far, the dumbest.

This, Leon had known without a doubt. He had observed them as children and decided Eva should be the heir to everything he had constructed. He had meant well, but he knew by then that he had spoiled things for her, by pushing too much.

But the fact remained, Eva was insightful and always so frighteningly smart.

“How did the interview go?”

“Well, I think,” Valentina said, “I can start in September, if I want.”

Eva smiled brightly, proud of her, “that is wonderful, Vale!”

Valentina smiled, shrugging her shoulders, “I haven’t said yes, yet.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, we still don’t know what Juliana will be doing, she’s finishing her training in August, and she may want to stay in Mexico, work with one of the designers.”

“Vale, don’t be dumb,” Eva said, upset. “This is your chance! If you get an offer at The New York Times, you could have the job you’ve always dreamed about, write about things that matter to you, to the entire world.”

Valentina did not answer.

Eva was quiet for a while.

Considering.

Then, she decided; either she pushed this button _now_ , or never.

“Aren’t you tired?” she asked, finally. They were relaxing after work, in the nursing room Guille had prepared in the basement of the Carvajal tower.

Valentina was watching ten-month-old Malu take a nap. She was stretched on the floor, next to her niece, “hmmm?” she was close to sleep, “tired?”

“Of chasing her.”

“Chasing who?”

“Juliana.”

Valentina turned then, fully awake, and sat up, “what are you talking about?”

“You’ve been chasing that girl for years now.”

“What do you mean.”

“You’ve sent me dozens of letters, Vale. About how wonderful she is, how much you love her, all the plans you have for when you two live together. Don’t you think I’ve read them?”

Valentina nodded at that, “I love Juliana.”

“I know you do, but shouldn’t she be the one chasing you, sometimes? I mean, you even modeled for her in that event last month, didn’t you? Giving her all the visibility possible, placing her ahead of-, well, ahead of everything, really. You’ve been doing that since you met her, Vale, can’t you see? You’re at risk of losing yourself in her. Of giving up on your future for _her_ future. And where is she now?” she rolled her green eyes at the ceiling, hand moving up, dismissedly, “Milan? Paris? I lose track of where she’s at each week.”

“She’s finishing her professional training, the last semester involves going to different fashion weeks-,”

“I know that, but do you understand what I’m asking? The chance that’s on the table? What you’d give up if you stay in Mexico?”

Valentina rose from the floor, glaring at her, “I don’t think you are in _any_ position to question my private life, or to give advice, Evangelina,” she pointed around them, “look at the mess you’ve made of your own life and relationships.”

“I know that,” Eva said sharply, “And, trust me, I’ve learnt from it,” she paused, not wanting to fight with Valentina. “Look, I don’t want-, I’m just-, I worry about you, Vale.”

Valentina picked up her things and started shoving them into her bag, perhaps with more force than strictly necessary, “well, don’t, ok?”

Valentina gave Malu a soft kiss, then turned to go, “I’m going to get going.”

“Valentina, wait. Let’s talk.”

Valentina rose her hand as she walked to the door, “not now.”

She may have slammed the door on her way out.

xxx


	3. Chapter 3

As far back as she could remember, words had been Valentina’s trustworthy companions. Seeds that first grew deep, rooting into her mind, and then, sprouted vines that climbed all over her consciousness.

_We are the words we know_ , Leon had told her once.

And so, they stayed with Valentina: Eva’s words.

She tossed and turned in bed, that night.

When she finally felt asleep, the crossroad card Barbara had shown her loomed and looped over her dreams. She dreamt she had infinite paths to choose from, but whenever she walked down one, it would simply lead her to another identical crossroad.

She woke up in a state of agitation.

_Why is that on my mind?_

But she knew.

She _was_ at a crossroad.

She had just finished her degree; Juliana was going to finish her own training in the next few weeks. They had been together for over two years, by then. They would need to sit down, talk; make decisions about the future.

Valentina _knew_ what she wanted. It was a truth that beat like a pulse under her skin with a certainty that echoed Eva’s words.

She wanted to _be_ with Juliana.

And if she was brutally honest with herself, which she always tried to be, she knew that _any_ life with Juliana would do.

_Maybe it should not_ , an annoying voice sounded in her head, sounding suspiciously like Eva.

She punched the pillow in frustration.

_There must be a pecking order in dreams_ , where surely one could not have them all, Valentina tried to reason with the growing ache in her stomach.

Most people went through life without meeting love. She had lucked out, used up her lottery ticket, her one-in-a-lifetime chance. It made her feel guilty and greedy, but she could not deny a growing awareness that she _did_ want it all. She wanted to have Juliana, and to marry her, and to have children with her, and for both of them to have fulfilling jobs.

She smirked in self-deprecation. It was ironic to have spent her whole life trying to fight off the princess label only to discover that she actually did want the fairy-tale ending. And maybe, in a further twist of destiny, as a lottery-winner, she owed it to the rest of the world to at least _try_.

She closed her eyes and tried to go to back to sleep, with little success.

_Stupid Evangelina. Get out of my head._

Fortunately, when morning finally downed on that Saturday, Juliana was back to Mexico City, arriving on the early flight from Madrid.

“Juls!” Valentina almost screamed when she opened the door. She had been preparing herself a coffee and was still wearing her pajamas: short gray shorts and an over-sized white t-shirt that did nothing to hide the fact that she was not wearing a bra, nipples pushing against the thin material.

Juliana took a hard look at her and pulled them both into the house when Valentina tried to hug her, throwing her luggage to the side, and closing the door behind them with her foot. Then, she swiftly turned them and pressed Valentina against the door, kissing her almost desperately. A warm hand reached up, under Valentina’s top. They both groaned when Juliana’s hand closed against Valentina’s bare breast, thumb stroking her nipple.

Valentina laughed, pulling away from the kiss, “did you miss me, love?”

Juliana also laughed, fingers gentling slightly, their tips caressing the soft underside of Valentina’s breast, making her shake against her.

“Val,” she mumbled against the skin of her neck as she managed to squeeze her thigh between Valentina’s legs, pushing with her hips.

Valentina’s hands caressed her back as she moved them down, managing to squeeze them under her jeans and underwear, cupping Juliana’s backside, and pulling her more fully into her body, “I like these new high waisted jeans,” she laughed as she moved her face until her nose was against Juliana’s neck, inhaling her scent, “very convenient style.” Her own legs flexed a bit, pushing more firmly into Juliana’s center.

“Ah,” Valentina breathed, a shot of lightning hitting her center, whole body trembling. She had missed Juliana, too. Having her scent on her nostrils, her body pressing her against the door in this possessive manner, she felt herself losing control, her hands moving frantically over Juliana’s body, caressing, pulling her impossibly close.

Juliana pushed away, hands on her shoulders, “I’ve missed you so much,” she breathed, “ _ven_.”

Juliana grabbed her hand and led them to the sofa area in the living room. She pushed Valentina into the cushions, “aren’t you glad I made you get rid of all the service and cameras in this room?” she laughed.

Valentina nodded, but did not answer, removing her own shirt, hands shaking. Juliana reached down, helping her lower her pajama pants and panties in one go, pushing them out of the way. Then, she kneeled between Valentina’s spread legs, kissing up from her bend knee.

“I love you, Val,” she mouthed against her skin, as she reached under one of her thighs, lifting it over her shoulder to get better access.

“Juls,” Valentina whined, leaning back on the sofa, hips rising.

Juliana let out a joyful laugh, as she caressed Valentina’s calves and thighs. Her hands trailed over the top of Valentina’s thighs, leaving goosebumps on her way towards her hips and stomach. She reached carefully with long fingers, petting the soft hair at the apex of Valentina’s legs and finally, parting her lips, one finger dipping inside, making her moan.

Juliana pushed once, twice, and on the third thrust, added a second finger, making Valentina’s hips lift from the sofa.

Juliana smiled, “so beautiful,” and lowered her face to kiss Valentina’s stomach, letting her mouth trail down until she was kissing between her legs. When Juliana’s tongue touched her clitoris, Valentina exhaled and exhaled and exhaled.

xxx

They decided to spend the day inside, watching a few old movies that Valentina had wanted to watch for an article she was writing. She had accepted to write a few pieces for Mateo until she decided about the offer from The New York Times.

“I’ll just make us something light to eat,” she told Juliana as she stepped from the shower, leaving Juliana to finish showering, and also, to unpack her luggage.

Valentina looked at herself in the mirror as she dressed.

_Look at that dopey smile._

She had teased Guille often, but obviously she was no better. The Carvajal siblings were many things, but not subtle. Valentina’s happiness shone through.

She looked closer at herself, spotting a love bite on her neck, “Juliana,” she murmured as she touched it, smiling even wider. It was rare that Juliana would mark her, she was always so careful and tender in handling her.

A light blush covered her face.

Fireworks did not even come close to describing what Juliana made her feel.

She rubbed her hands over her cheeks.

She may have been a bit addicted to Juliana and the love they made. For a moment, she was tempted to go back into the bathroom.

_Get a grip, Valentina._

She moved resolutely towards the kitchen.

xxx

“Val, it’s your phone,” Juliana called from the TV room, where she had been switching channels, waiting for Valentina to join her.

Valentina appeared carrying a tray so full of food Juliana doubted they could eat even half of its contents and plopped down next to her. She stole a quick kiss before reaching for the phone. 

“Hey, Guille!” she smiled excitedly, always pleased to hear from her brother, “how are you?” Valentina asked as she picked up the remote and muted the TV. She sat back on the large sofa, landing mostly on top of Juliana, who made some noises like she was upset Valentina had sat on her, while simultaneously reaching with both arms around her to pull her even closer.

“Hey, Vale, you want to see what’s on TV,” Guille said.

“Why?” she pointed with the remote, “I have it on. What channel?”

“That gossip program from televisa? _Hoy_?”

She distractedly changed channels, finding it, “it’s not gossip, it’s a talk-,” her eyes opened comically, “Juliana!”

Juliana looked up from where she had been kissing her shoulder, “¿ _qué_?”

Valentina silently pointed at the screen, as she hung up on Guille, “I’ll call you back, ok?”

Milagros was being interviewed by Escalona, live on _Hoy_ , for all of Mexico to see.

“What is she-?” Juliana moved to have a better view, “turn the sound up?”

Escalona’s voice came through, “and for all of you _Carvaldes_ fans, we’re now with Milagros, who’s like family to both Juliana Valdés and Valentina Carvajal,” Milagros nodded solemnly, “tell us, Milagros, how did you meet them?”

Milagros moved her hands over her dress, flattening some imaginary wrinkle, “well, you see, Juliana and her mother stayed with me for a few weeks when they first came to Mexico,” she turned towards Escalona, as she confided, “Juliana’s mother, Lupita, is almost my _concuñada_ , I mean, she’s like a sister-in-law to me, because Panchito, Juliana’s mother new husband, is my nephew twice-removed, the son of my dearest late cousin, Nieves,” she crossed herself, “may god rest her soul.”

Escalona looked confused at the degree of family ties involved, but before she could ask anything else, the camera cut to show a picture from Lupita’s wedding to Panchito. It was a very large picture with the full group that had attended.

The camera first focused on Valentina and Juliana, who were standing to one side, and then, on Milagros, who was among those at the back of the group.

“Panchito shouldn’t have invited her,” Juliana moaned.

“You looked really cute in that outfit, Juls.”

Juliana rolled her eyes, “Val, can you focus?”

Valentina laughed and turned in Juliana’s arms, squeezing her own arms under Juliana’s and pulling her even closer, “I _am_! But look at you! You were the most beautiful woman in the wedding,” she said as one hand slipped under Juliana’s top, tickling her lightly. Juliana squirmed in her arms, grabbing Valentina’s hand and bringing it more fully around her waist.

“Shh, pay attention.”

Milagros was showing them the room where Juliana and her mother had slept all those months ago.

Juliana looked on, interested. She felt entirely removed from that part of her life. It was like looking at a faded picture from years past, when one could not really place its location.

Valentina was a different story, she tensed in her arms, uncomfortable: eyes fixed on the tiny bed. Juliana noticed and tried to comfort her, rubbing her arm, fingers trailing over the soft blonde hairs that covered her skin. But, there, on screen, seeing it next to Milagros and Escalona, it was impossible for Valentina to ignore the fact that two adult women would have struggled to fit in that bed, even two women as slim as Juliana and her mother.

“I’m glad you moved out,” whispered Valentina as she hugged Juliana’s arm to her.

“Mmm,” Juliana said, “me too.”

The camera moved again to focus on Milagros and Escalona. “She started sewing here, in an old machine I let her use,” said Milagros.

“You didn’t!” Juliana talked at the TV, “I had to sneak around at night to use it,” she made eye contact with Valentina, “and when she caught me, she made me pay rent,” she said rolling her eyes.

Valentina’s hand flexed around Juliana’s waist, her thumb caressing the soft skin of her stomach, making Juliana inhale deeply, calming down almost instantly.

“You know that red patterned shirt I gave you?” she asked softly.

Valentina nodded.

“I made it the night before I visited for the first time, while Milagros was sleeping. I was so excited that you’d invited me,” she laughed, “mom could not understand why I needed to wear something new.”

Valentina kissed her cheek, then, moved to push her nose into her hair, inhaling.

“I loved it,” Valentina whispered, “thank you for giving it to me.”

She tried to process what Juliana’s life had been like, before they met, but the experiences Juliana had to live through were just entirely foreign to her.

A life never lived, never imagined.

She was an educated woman, Valentina. She had read the classics, the grand romances, the wonderful magical realism of García Marquez, the oppressive rawness of Camilo José Cela. She had gone out to the suburbs; she had seen the way people lived. She had visited rich and poor countries, but this?

This was a journey of the soul, not of the body.

She could not inhabit these memories with Juliana, she would never be able to truly understand the miseries of a life where someone like Milagros would demand to be paid back for _using_ a sewing machine. She felt a coiling in her stomach, something hot travelling up her throat, making her eyes water.

She coughed to push it down and kept quiet. This was a rare insight into Juliana’s early life, even if it was through Milagros and live on national television.

Escalona looked interested, “can we see it? The sewing machine?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I sold it on ebay.”

Juliana could not believe it, “she did _what_?”

But Milagros was still talking, “to a _Carvaldes_ fan from Hong Kong. We now follow each other on tumblr and instagram. We just organized a Carvaldes Appreciation Week.”

Escalona nodded like that made sense, “ah, I see.”

Then, she closed the segment, the camera moving back to the hosts of the program, who effortlessly switched to the next topic: A purebred chihuahua show in Matamoros.

“I hate Matamoros,” whispered Juliana.

Valentina turned off the sound. “I’m sorry,” she said, still hiding her face in Juliana’s neck.

Juliana moved her hand through Valentina’s hair, pushing it gently away from her face, and trying to catch her eye, “what? Why?”

“I made a mess of things, when I went to that program,” she breathed out. “I shouldn’t have done it. Coming out like that on national television, saying your full name.”

“Hey, Val,” Juliana caressed her hair, pulling lightly at the ends, but Valentina kept her head down.

“ _Mírame_.”

Valentina moved back at that, making eye contact.

“You _are_ a hot head,” she laughed at Valentina’s instant pout, “but you did a good thing.”

“I don’t know, Juls. Now there’s all this craziness in social media. I mean, that girl in Hong Kong who bought the sewing machine! She was probably scammed by Milagros.”

“Well, we’re certainly _not_ taking responsibility for Milagros,” Juliana said firmly, “but I really think you did a good thing. Look, they were talking about us just now in _Hoy_ , weren’t they? And nobody was judging the fact that we’re both women.”

“But some people do, Juls. You know the newspaper gets hate mail from homophobes.”

“But on a whole, what you did pushed things in the right direction,” Juliana nodded as she hugged Valentina to her. “So, no, don’t regret it, _morrita_. I’m sure it’s helped to change people’s minds in a positive way,” she kissed her lips, “and to have someone like you as representation?” Juliana whistled between her teeth, “it matters, Val.”

xxx

The day went over quickly, after that. They watched the movies, Juliana providing sharp and hilarious running commentary throughout, until she crashed for the last two, the jet-lag finally catching up with her.

Valentina watched over her as she slept, not really paying attention to the movies but deciding she could watch them again later. She could never compare Juliana to any of her previous romantic relationships; they were not even on the radar of what she felt for Juliana, but even all her other friendships paled in comparison. She had never had anybody in her life as sincere, as smart, as thoughtful and in tune with her as Juliana.

The world was brighter when she was close to Juliana.

Simple things like sitting in a sofa watching black and white movies became life-altering. Just today, she had effortlessly pulled her out of her funk twice. This morning, with her arrival, and later, sharing her level-headed views on the whole public coming-out fiasco.

Valentina felt herself drowning in Juliana. Orbiting around her, pulled and pushed by a gravitational force that kept her grounded.

_This is what Eva fears._

This overwhelming urge to just let herself drift into this current.

xxx

She sent a still sleepy Juliana home that night with Alirio. She had asked Juliana to sleep over, but Juliana needed to unpack all her bags and prepare for the week. It was one of the last weeks of her course, and she had four finals, two of them on Friday. They made tentative plans to meet on Friday night, once Juliana was done with her exams.

She had yet to talk to Juliana about the internship offer in The New York Times, and she wanted to do it the following weekend, at the latest. It was one of the things she loved about their relationship, that they could talk about everything, but Valentina did not want to have this conversation until Juliana could be fully present.

Valentina was not great at waiting. She was _not_ a patient person and she always wanted to talk things out with Juliana as soon as possible, but she needed to let Juliana focus on finishing her course.

Juliana was very good at telling when Valentina was trying to keep things from her.

“You vibrate with it, Val,” she had told her once, with an indulgent smile, when Valentina had questioned how she knew that there was something she wanted to talk about. “Sometimes, you even bounce physically,” she had laughed at Valentina’s dignified denials.

But this time, she had not wanted to talk, as she was not sure herself what to say yet, and so, because she was not really keeping anything from her, even someone as attuned to her as Juliana was, could not tell something was bothering her.

But the words were building inside Valentina’s chest, now, as she was almost decided that she would accept the internship.

It would only be for a few months, and she was craving the experience.

Still, she was trying hard to give Juliana her independence. She wanted to delay things, in the hope that Juliana would decide first what she, herself, wanted to do that summer.

She brushed her hair with more force than necessary as she prepared to go to bed alone, that night. Juliana having just texted her that she would go to Lupita’s house in Oaxaca for the long weekend, to visit with them.

> _Val, I forgot. Sorry! Mom wants me to go with her and Panchito to their house in Oaxaca this weekend, to help with the new place. Move stuff around._
> 
> _You know she’s been asking me for weeks._
> 
> _They’ll pick me at the school on Friday and we’ll stay until Tuesday._

Val had stared at the phone for several minutes, calculating. That meant she would not see Juliana in almost two weeks. Also, that she would need to say something about The New York Times offer before that.

Her stomach dropped.

She started to draft a few answers to Juliana’s text, one of them worded in a manner that made it obvious she was trying to get herself invited to Oaxaca, before deleting the whole thing and just sending a smiling emoji and a short text back:

> _Enjoy yourself and don’t work too hard._

Juliana’s answer had also taken a while to come back.

> _I’ll try ☹ I’ll miss you, but I’ll send you photos, ok?_

And after only a few seconds,

> _Love you._

Valentina was not proud of herself that she had seen those two messages flash on the screen of her locked iPhone but had kept them as unread.

Not answering.

Valentina was upset with herself that she was so clingy, while working so hard not to be.

She was still mad when she went to sleep, and so, maybe, it was not surprising that that night she had _the dream_. It always seemed to happen when she was unhappy with Juliana, which truthfully, did not happen often.

After everything that went down with Lucia and with Eva, for the following few months, life had been too hectic for Valentina to really think about anything beyond the next thing that needed to be done. Those months were mostly a blur. Juliana had started at fashion school; she had been busy with classes during her second to last year at University and supporting Guillermo and Mateo at the head of their Carvajal empire.

She first had the dream the day María Luz was born. It was a bright, sunny day. The sky a sharp blue, a clear day when humidity had given them a respite.

Eva had been allowed out of prison to get a cesarean, and green-eyed, dark-haired Malu had arrived perfectly on time, at 2PM sharp.

Already Eva’s daughter through and through.

The public hospital that the judge approved for the procedure had been swarmed by journalists and curious onlookers, news about the birth filtered to the press.

Mateo had been withdrawn at first, and then, elated holding the precious baby in his arms. Eva and Mateo had talked quietly, after Malu’s birth. Valentina did not know what was said, but it had healed them both. Set the foundation for a better future for all three of them.

Both Malu and Eva had to stay the night, and Valentina, as the closest of kin, had stayed with them, intend to sleep in the empty bed of the room. But she had been in such a high and so in love already with her niece that rest had been impossible. She was woken at irregular intervals, by the baby, her sister, the different nurses that came into the room. She had finally crashed, exhausted, around 5AM in the morning, on one of the large chairs for visitors.

The dream started differently, every time.

Valentina was always the same, however.

She would be sitting outside, in a garden, maybe having a picnic, and Juliana joined her after a bit, taking a seat next to her. Juliana wore different things each time, but always a red top. Valentina was always just in her bathing suit, the black one she had worn the first time she had kissed Juliana, and she would feel cold, under-dressed.

“Maybe we should reconsider.”

“What?”

“This, us,” Juliana always said, “being together.”

Then, sometimes Valentina just cried, even in the dream knowing where it was going. That it always ended with Juliana saying they should not seek each other out anymore, and leaving her.

Sometimes she tried to argue, to fight, to remind Juliana of their pact. Those times, when Juliana would fight back, were even worse. Because then, Juliana would not simply say no, a dozen times no, like when it had happened. In the dream, she would argue back, telling Valentina about all her shortcomings, all the ways in which she was unhappy with her.

Sometimes, and then it was really bad, and it would leave Valentina reeling for days, Juliana laughed, told her she did not love her anymore, maybe never loved her anyway.

That night, in the loneliness of the Carvajal mansion, she had the worse permutation to date: when Juliana stood up from the bench, she walked away towards Sergio.

Valentina woke up with a scream, tears running down her face, “wait, Juls!”

She looked around, disoriented. She searched blindly for her phone. The screen came up when she touched the home button. It had a picture of them, with a glowing Juliana hugging her to her chest, taken the night of the Acapulco fashion week, when she had modeled for her. Juliana looked beautiful in it. Mature. Ready for whatever life would bring her next.

It was 4.03AM.

“Damn you, Sergio,” she whispered into the night, rubbing a hand over her face, “and damn you, Barbara.”

_Why had the witch reminded her of him?_

She unlocked her phone and opened Juliana’s message, finally sending back a reply.

> _I love you too, Juls. So much._

xxx

The next few days passed by with Valentina in an awful mood. Juliana was distracted the first few days, with her exams, but she did notice that Valentina was slow to reply to her texts, and when she called her that Saturday, already from Oaxaca, Valentina did not pick up, sending a text message instead as soon as the phone stopped ringing.

> _Hi, Juls. Cannot pick up right now, talk later?_

Juliana had answered straight away, sending her a few pictures of how Lupita’s new house was shaping up, thanks to all their hard work.

The final picture was a selfie of Juliana with her mother and Panchito. They looked tired, but happy. It pleased Valentina to see that Juliana and her mother had been able to repair their relationship so fully. She remained a bit scared of Lupita’s temper. She could admit that to herself, if not to Juliana.

> _You look beautiful, mi amor._

Valentina had texted back after a few minutes.

Juliana rolled her eyes. _Val, I swear._

It appeased a bit Juliana’s concerns. She had been growing restless, but if Valentina was taking the first possible chance to tell her she was beautiful, things could not be too bad back home. Still, it was unusual for them not to talk, and as she scrolled back over their messages for the last week, she worried over the time stamps. Valentina had sent her a few texts at strange hours of the night and day.

Valentina was fighting her own demons.

She had the dream again on Friday. She was not proud that she had drank herself back to sleep afterwards.

When she finally picked up the phone to Juliana’s insistent calling, on Sunday morning, she sounded like she had spent most of the weekend crying.

It was not far from the truth.

“Val, what’s wrong,” Juliana asked immediately.

“Nothing,” she lied, “I think I’ve the beginnings of a cold; my nose is all stuffed up, and-,”

“Val,” she interrupted, “can you FaceTime me?”

“Well, sure, I mean-,” but Juliana had already hung up and was video-calling her.

Valentina stretched her long arm, moving the phone far away, so that her face would be as tiny as possible in the screen. Even at a distance, she looked like she had not slept for a week, dark circles under her bright eyes, skin pale.

“Val,” Juliana whispered, “you look terrible.”

Juliana moved her face as close to the screen as possible, until all Valentina could see were her eyes. It made Valentina laugh, “ _gracias_ ,” she said, “but move away from the screen, you look like you’re trying to hypnotize me.”

“What’s happening, Val? Are you ok? Is Guille ok? Malu?”

“We’re all fine, Juls. It’s nothing, like I told you, just a cold.”

“Val,” Juliana started to say, as the doorbell rang. “What’s that?”

“Someone’s at the door, let me get it and I’ll call you back?”

Juliana was tempted to say no, to demand Valentina talk to her right then and there, but she did not want to sound like a crazy girlfriend, “sure, but call me later, yes?”

“Yes, of course.”

Valentina did not call her back.

xxx


	4. Chapter 4

Juliana drove from Oaxaca in a car she rented.

She drove carefully, in what Valentina jokingly called her _abuelita_ style: both hands firmly on the wheel. But, uncharacteristically, she stepped on the gas, going a few miles over the speed limit, wanting to get back to Mexico City as soon as possible.

Traffic was making her edgy, her already short nails taking the brunt of her nervousness.

_Idiot._

She berated herself as she drove.

She should not have gone to Oaxaca, when she knew Valentina had been struggling with telling her something these past couple of weeks.

She had tried not to push-, _no, that’s not true, don’t lie to yourself_.

Juliana _knew_ that she had intentionally avoided bringing up the topic.

It was one of the goals Valentina had set for their relationship last year: to get Juliana to say what was on her mind, without Valentina having to drag it out of her. Juliana had jokingly asked whether they could not join a competitive synchronized swimming team together instead, but Valentina had given her _the pout_ , and so Juliana had agreed that, yes, she would try.

“Words, Juls, you have to use words,” Valentina had rolled over in bed, body flush against Juliana’s, pressing her into the mattress, hands circling her wrists.

“I do,” she had answered, pushing up with her hips, trying to dislodge Valentina.

“Juliana.”

“Valentina,” she had challenged, pushing upwards again.

Valentina’s eyes had darkened, “don’t try to distract me.”

“Why not?”

“Because it works,” Valentina had laughed as she lowered herself fully on top of her.

Juliana let out a harsh breath, a hand rubbing her face in frustration.

She obviously had to try _harder_ with this communication stuff.

She honked at a car as she overtook it, “come on, move it!” she shouted to the driver in front of her. She was taking out her bad mood on the other drivers, but she was disappointed in herself. Granted, out of the two of them, Valentina would always be better at communicating, but that did not let _her_ off the hook.

_Grow up, Juliana._

She was much older than her age, having lived a few lifetimes compressed into just a half-dozen years during her teens. But it was not fair on Valentina, even if she was always so mature. Valentina was a young girl, too. Juliana had been trying to be better at initiating their talks in these last few months. She knew Valentina had also been trying to be patient and let her talk first. She smiled a bit as she overtook another lorry and rolled her eyes.

_What amounted to patience for Valentina, anyway._

Valentina could be downright bossy when it came to their talking time. If she put all the conversations she had had in her whole life, Juliana was sure they did not add up to even one tenth of what she had talked to Valentina.

There was just _no_ topic that Valentina would not discuss.

She felt herself blush, even years after, thinking about their early conversations about what they would and would not like in bed. It turned out that she liked pretty much everything, if it was Valentina doing it to her, and vice versa. _Wasn’t it good that we talked about this, Juls?_ She could still hear Valentina whispering in her ear as she hugged her after that first time Valentina had made her come using a dildo.

She shook her head. She did not need that image in her head.

xxx

Valentina had just prepared herself a _gigantic_ sandwich that she knew she would struggle to eat before going to bed, when the doorbell rang.

She approached the door cautiously.

“Juls!” she cried, lips stretching over white teeth, smile so wide her eyes crinkled at the corners. She waved her hand, “come in, come in, what are you doing here?”

Juliana reached around her waist, pulling her into an embrace.

“It didn’t sound like you were ok,” Juliana’s voice broke on the last word, and she had to swallow before continuing, “so I came.”

Valentina melted into the hug, whole body shagging. Juliana could feel her shaking a bit in her arms, “ _gracias, neta_ ,” Valentina whispered into her neck, “I-, I really needed you.”

It had turned into a ten-hour drive for Juliana and she was exhausted. “There were construction works all the way through, otherwise I would’ve been here earlier” she lamented, “but I’m glad I made it back.”

“Me too,” she guided Juliana to the TV room, where her sandwich was, untouched.

“Were you going to eat all that?” Juliana laughed, used by then to Valentina’s penchant for making too much food, and eating more with her eyes than with her stomach.

Valentina smiled, “well, now I don’t have to eat it all on my own, do I?”

Juliana shook her head. Then, she grabbed her hand, pulling her closer, “tell me what’s wrong, Val,” she reached up with her other hand, palming her cheek, thumb rubbing the skin under her eye, “you look so tired.”

“It’s nothing, I’ve-, I’ve just been having bad dreams,” Valentina confided, looking away, “so I’ve slept poorly these last few days.”

Juliana lowered her hand to Valentina’s chin, lifting it up to make eye contact, “dreams? About what?”

Valentina waved her hand, awkwardly, “you know, stuff. I cannot always remember them that well when I wake up.”

Juliana continued to look at her in the eye, and Valentina dropped her eyes again, “I just-, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s silly, it’s just something I need to work out on my own.”

“I want to help, Val,” she whispered, “don’t push me away.”

“I’m not, I promise,” she said, “It’s not you. It’s that I need to work through it first. We’ll talk once I figure it out, ok?”

Juliana did not agree, but she respected her, “I don’t like it, Val,” she pulled Valentina’s hand, bringing her closer, “you know I’m not always great about it, but we can talk about anything, right?”

“I know it,” she moved her arms to encircle Juliana’s back, “I think I’ve just been stressing out with a decision I have to make.”

Juliana frowned, “a decision?”

Valentina nodded, “yeah, let’s sit down?”

Juliana stepped away from her, but immediately reached for her hand, needing to touch her. She moved them towards the seating area, taking a seat across from Val, in one of the footrests, while Valentina sat on the sofa, knees touching, hands intertwined.

“You’re scaring me, Val, with all this talk about decisions and things being on you, not me,” Juliana stopped breathing for a moment, “are you-,” she swallowed, “are you breaking up with me?”

“What! NO!” Valentina moved back on the sofa, pulling their joined hands until Juliana had no option but to first stand up, and then, sit on Val’s lap on the sofa. Valentina’s hands went to the sides of her thighs, moving up towards her waist, and her back, bringing their bodies as close together as possible, “are you crazy?” Valentina whispered, once Juliana was pressed to her, her hands going up, grabbing Juliana’s face and forcing eye contact, “never, you hear me? Never that. Don’t even say it.”

“Ok,” Juliana breathed deeply in relief, “ok, then, what’s happening?”

Valentina was quiet for a moment, leaning back a bit and positioning them more comfortably, her arms moving around Juliana.

“Val, I know I’ve been so busy lately, with finishing my course, and the exams, and all the fashion weeks I’ve attended,” she shook her head, “I’ve not been good enough, I haven’t paid enough attention to you, but I’m going to do better, _te lo juro_.”

She had been torturing herself on the way from Oaxaca, thinking of how self-centered she had been lately, taking and taking and taking from Val.

“You know, I talked to Eva once, about how it’s almost impossible not to feel like you need to be saved from people who may take advantage of you?”

Valentina bristled at that, “I’m not an idiot.”

“No, I know that,” she kissed Valentina’s nose, “I just realized, during my drive here, that maybe _I_ was doing that, just letting you focus all your energy on me, and-,”

“You’ve been busy with work and school, Juls,” Valentina defended, “and you’re so talented, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on any opportunity,” she gave her a soft kiss, “your dreams are important to me.”

Juliana’s eyes filled with tears, “All my dreams have already come true, Val, with you.”

“Sssh,” Valentina said, “don’t be silly. You’ve got this wonderful future ahead of you and so many things to accomplish,” she kissed her again and whispered, “plus, you still owe me a dress, don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

Juliana’s arms tightened around her, “I’d never forget that.”

They sat like that for a long time, Valentina humming quietly while Juliana sniffed and tried to stop the annoying tears that kept falling down her face.

When she calmed down, she leaned back, creating some space between them. Valentina ran her hands over her cheeks, taking the last of the moisture away.

“So?” Juliana finally said.

“So?”

“Your decision, Val. What is it?”

“Oh, yes, I’ve been offered an internship at The New York Times, starting September.”

Juliana smiled brightly, “Val! That is wonderful!”

“I think so, too. I’ve been struggling a bit with what to do, because I’m not sure what you’re planning, but I think I’m going to accept it, what do you think?”

“Of course, don’t even doubt it, Val. You should accept. It’s a wonderful opportunity, and you’ll be fantastic.”

Valentina beamed at her and hid her face in Juliana’s neck for her next confession, “I just don’t want to go to New York on my own.”

It was fishing, and she knew it. Also, it was as close as she would get to asking Juliana to go with her; she did not want to force her hand.

“I’ll come visit you, you won’t have to be alone.”

 _Visit_. The word made Valentina’s stomach drop. _She will visit_.

“You want me to visit, right?”

“I do,” Valentina immediately responded, “I’ll get a nice flat in New York, and you can come whenever you want. It’s a paid internship and they help with finding accommodation.”

“That’s great and it works out quite well, as I’m also taking an internship in late August, here in Mexico City.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but only for a couple of months, just to finish with all the credits, and then, when I graduate in late October,” she smiled, “I could join you in New York.”

“You would? Come to New York, I mean?”

“I’d love to, if you’d want me there?”

Valentina kissed her loudly, “yes, yes of course.”

xxx

During the last few weeks of August, before Valentina had to travel to New York, they both started to feel anxious, thinking of their time apart.

“Juli, _hija_ , maybe you should just go with her?”

That irked Juliana, “Lupe, don’t you think that’s want I want to do? But I need to finish this course, I’ve spent so much energy and effort, it’s only a few more weeks to finish all my credits, and then, I can join Val.”

“You’ve just been moping around for weeks, and she hasn’t even left yet,” Lupita said, concerned, “how are you going to be when she’s gone?”

Juliana shrugged.

She would get to that when she would get to that.

Valentina was not much better, but she was busy making plans and looking for apartments in New York, and that helped with her nerves.

Juliana practically moved in with her into the Carvajal mansion those last few weeks, not wanting to miss any time together.

It was during the last week of August, only five days before Valentina’s flight to New York was scheduled when, for the first time in all their time together, Valentina had the dream while Juliana was sleeping with her.

“Val,” she whispered, “Val, wake up.”

“No, please, please,” Val mumbled, still dreaming, and then louder, “Juls, wait!” and woke herself up.

“Val, hey, calm down, it was just a dream.”

Valentina was agitated for a moment, until she felt Juliana’s arms around her.

“Juls,” she whispered, turning in her arms, “Juliana, _mi amor_.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

Valentina was quiet for a long time, so long, Juliana thought she may not answer.

“It’s _the_ dream,” Val finally said, “I told you about? I have it sometimes.”

Juliana’s eyebrows lifted, “the dream?”

She nodded, “I dream about-,” Valentina took a deep breath, “about that time we were on the bench, after Eva and all the crazy things at the Valle house, and we fought, and then you-,” she took a shuddering breath, unable to put it into words.

“I broke us up.”

Juliana was quiet for a long time after that. The only sound in the room the noise of Valentina’s agitated breathing. She did not like to learn that Valentina had been dreaming about this all these months. That she had had such a lasting impact on Valentina’s psyche that a part of her was still stuck in that park, left behind seated in that bench.

“I’m sorry, Val. I don’t know what to say.”

Valentina put her hand on Juliana’s face, “I understand what happened, Juls, and I swear to you that it’s in the past and forgotten,” she breathed out in frustration, “I don’t know why I keep dreaming about it.”

“You were speaking in your sleep.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I know you have work tomo-,”

“Sssh,” Juliana put her hand on top of Val’s, where it rested on her cheek, “you called for Sergio, in your sleep.”

Valentina closed her eyes, making a noise deep in her chest, then, she rolled away to lie flat on her back, disentangling them. “I hate Sergio, Juls, I can’t get past it,” she confessed. “I’ve tried, but I just-, I feel like such a bad person, I can’t beat it.”

“Why don’t I get you a drink? Something warm that will help you back to sleep?” Juliana asked, pushing the covers away as she moved to stand. She went around the bed and pulled at Valentina’s arm, “come on, Val.”

They went down to the kitchen. The clock read 3.45AM.

Valentina pulled at her hair in frustration, “I’m really sorry, Juls.”

“Hey, you can’t control what you dream about,” she went to her side, “you can apologize tomorrow when you snap at me, because I know you’re just going to be a bear, without your beauty sleep,” Juliana joked lightly, voice soft, “here,” she said as she gave her a chamomile tea.

“Thank you,” Valentina whispered as she blew at the cup.

They were quiet for a bit.

“Why are you still thinking about Sergio?”

Valentina shook her head, “I don’t know,” she said in frustration, “I guess I just don’t understand what you saw in him, when I-, well, I-, I wanted you so much, Juls, I was almost begging you to be with me. You knew it, right? How much I wanted you? I thought everyone knew... Russian astronauts could pretty much see it from the international space shuttle… how gay I was for you,” she tried to joke, but she chocked a bit on the last few words, running out of breath.

“I-,” Juliana took a breath, “did I tell you what happened with my mom?”

Valentina shook her head.

“We got into these really nasty fights. She-, she said all these horrible things, about me being unnatural and how you’ve-,” she paused to swallow, “you’ve impressed me with your money and took advantage of me, and I-, I left the house,”

Valentina’s eyebrows went up, her hand reaching to hold Juliana’s, “you did?”

Juliana nodded, “Perlita let me sleep on the floor of her restaurant,” she swallowed, “but I didn’t sleep at all, Val. I kept thinking about you, about my mom. She came to see me at the restaurant, telling me about how I was so naive, how I couldn’t know what I wanted because I’d never had a boyfriend.”

“Juls.”

“It got to my head, Val. I don’t know. I was so unhappy, so confused. I’d just screwed things up between us-”

”You hadn’t.”

”I had, Val, and she-, she’s my ma,” she paused to breathe, struggling with herself, “she was all the family I had. And we’ve been through so much together, always the two of us against the world, and if she didn’t love me, and I couldn’t be with you, I just didn’t know what I was going to do, Val.”

Valentina tried to understand, “but you could’ve been _with me_ , Juls,” she said quietly.

“I came by your house, do you remember? I wanted to see if we could fix things, I don’t know. Talk. You were with Lucho, he was hugging you.”

She nodded, “I remember, I run after you.”

“Did you? I didn’t see you. I could only think that it was just like Sergio told me, that you and Lucho always ended up reconciling and getting back together, that rich people in the end only wanted people like us, like Sergio or me, to keep themselves entertained for a bit.”

“Juliana, that’s not true.”

“I know that, Val. I was just desperate and tired, and lonely, and I thought maybe I could be normal, go back to my mom,” she sighted in frustration, rubbing a tear from her cheek, “I don’t know what I thought. I was so stupid, and I hurt us both.”

Valentina was quiet for a long time, a shadow crossing her face.

“Sergio took advantage of you.”

“Val, that’s not true, I started it,” Juliana shook her head, “he was our friend.”

“No, no,” Val said firmly, “He took advantage, and he was _no_ friend to us.”

That night, Valentina held Juliana in bed. She hated to learn about what Juliana had gone through with her mother, with Sergio. Still, in a way, hearing the story healed her, too. She felt lighter, a missing piece of the puzzle finally slotted in its place.

xxx

“Where are the boxes?” Juliana asked, one night when she called. It was early October, and Valentina had been away for five weeks by then.

She was finding that she missed Valentina all the time, desperately.

It was a feeling that was growing inside of her. This need to be with Valentina. She had been so busy, in the last few months of her course, that she had managed to be away at the different fashion weeks she attended, and somehow, survive the distance. She was not sure she could manage it now. These last weeks, being separated from Valentina, hearing about all the great new experiences she was having, and all the people she was meeting in New York? It had made Juliana desperate to join her in the US.

“What boxes?” Valentina had asked.

“You know, the ones you had prepared, for when we moved in together? They’re gone.”

“Oh, yes,” Valentina laughed, “well, I shipped them when I moved,” she said, “I mean, they were already ready, so it’s been super easy.”

“Has it?”

“Yeah, I had like pans and cooking stuff in them, even.”

Juliana smiled, despite herself, “you cannot cook.”

“I know silly, but you can, right?”

 _But I’m not there_ , Juliana wanted to say, instead she said, “yeah, my enchiladas are the best.”

“They are.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is precisely how silly I am.

Their reunion in New York took place during the first week of November.

Juliana moved in, bringing her treasured designing kit, her Mac, her pencils and notebooks. Her new wardrobe, but also, quite a few of her old belongings. Her converse shoes, which she would still wear from time to time, and her collection of stripped t-shirts, that were so threadbare by then, they were only used indoors or as pajamas, most often, by Valentina, the clothes-thief.

Everything fitted in just one suitcase, used as she was to travel light and to own little.

Still, it filled the apartment in a way that could not be explained just by her physical presence.

Valentina walked around the rooms with the largest, dopiest smile on her face, her fingers finding all the new additions and nick-knacks.

_This_.

This is what she had wanted for so long, a shared space, somewhere new, somewhere that belonged to both of them equally and that felt like _their_ home. And this little apartment off Washington square park really felt like a home now that Juliana was there.

“I cannot believe you put that over there,” Juliana said when she saw the card with the intertwined mermaids that Valentina had stolen from the card reading at Barbara’s all those weeks ago, framed and on display on top of the fake chimney.

Valentina shrugged, “I like it.”

She hugged Juliana from behind, making her squeal at the contact, fingers moving under her loose sweater and lightly tickling her skin. “I’m the red-headed one,” she breathed into Juliana’s ear, making her shiver.

The mermaids had blue and red hair, respectively. The one with the red hair had a hand dangerously close to one of the shells that acted as the blue-haired bikini’s top.

Juliana snickered, “you perv,” she said as she felt Valentina’s hand moving up her body, mirroring the image in the card.

They enjoyed the last days of that autumn tremendously, visiting all the sights, walking down Central Park holding hands, going window shopping to all the designer shops downtown.

They found a little Mexican restaurant on 19th, where they could always get a table. Much to the amusement of Martina, the owner, they would always sit on the same table, in the corner, side by side on a little bench that was not supposed to hold more than one person. They loved the _capirotada_ the chef made, and so they would often go there for coffee, sitting huddled over, talking quietly.

They would talk about their future, their current projects, Valentina’s days at the New York Times, Juliana’s inspirations and new designs, but also, about the past.

About serendipity and life and death.

About Juliana’s father, in Beltrán’s body, who they only had seen a few times in the last couple of years. How Juliana was still going through the stages, not of forgiveness, because that was not really on the cards, but of healing. About Valentina’s father, in el chino’s body, who had been wrecked by Lucia’s death, and how Juliana would still flinch away on instinct or to protect Valentina, whenever he moved around them too fast.

They would also talk about them. Their struggles in Mexico City, how they met.

“You were totally checking me out, Juls.”

“So were you! You were just-, I don’t know, so smoothly Carvajal about it. What was it that you said?” Juliana made some air quotes with her fingers, “that I had _plenty of style_ when I caught you ogling me?”

Valentina snickered, eyes innocently wide, “excuse me, I do _not_ ogle,” and then, she bit down on her smile and tossed her hair back with a move of her head, faking indignation.

“Uh huh,” Juliana smirked, and took a sip of her coffee. “No, but _neta_ , you changed my life, Val, it’s only thanks to all your help that I-,”

“I didn’t help you, Juls,” Valentina argued back immediately.

At Juliana raised eyebrows, Valentina poked her tongue at her. Then, she put her index finger in the middle of Juliana’s chest, accusatorily giving her a light push to emphasize her point, “ _you_ wouldn’t let me help, remember?”

Juliana batted her hand away, “right, but if _you_ hadn’t believed in _me_ -.”

Valentina shook her head, arms crossing over her chest in defiance.

Juliana frowned at Valentina’s stubbornness.

“ _Neta, mira que eres terca_. How do you think I made it this far, Val?” Juliana asked as she served them both from the large portion of cake the waiter had just placed at their table.

“You’re just talented and-,”

“Val,” she almost whined, voice low.

“What? You _are._ ”

Juliana raised her hand to stop her, and started to list, counting each point she made with her fingers, “you met me in a park, where I was selling lottery, looking for odd jobs as a waitress, I’ve dropped out of school by then, we were living with freaking Mila-,”

“Fine! So, I called dibs on you.”

That surprised a laugh out of Juliana, “¿ _qué_?”

“Look, Juliana,” she reached to grab Juliana’s hand, bringing it down to rest on top of the table, “if I haven’t found you, someone else would’ve, ok?”

Valentina waved her other arm in the air, gesticulating towards the street, the city, “you’re like, like those Hollywood actors that are spotted in public transport, right?” she turned towards Juliana, her hand slowly caressing up her arm, circling her bicep and pulling them closer, until her forehead rested against the side of Juliana’s head, “you stand out, _mi amor_.”

Then, she hid her face in her neck, stealing a quick kiss behind her ear, “I was just _super_ smart and spotted you first.”

Juliana stared at the ceiling for a moment, taking a long breath.

She was charmed, but also overwhelmed. Valentina’s words and proximity working together to scramble her thoughts a bit.

Having Valentina nestled against her neck like that, breathing into her skin, was just one of the several ways Valentina could get Juliana to agree to just about _anything_.

Valentina had figured out early on that Juliana was incredibly attuned to her moods and micro-expressions. She was always so attentive, large brown eyes seeing her in a way nobody had _seen_ her before. A way she had not realized she wanted to be seen. And so, she had learned to be careful, never to use her charms as a tactic to manipulate Juliana. However, she felt it was quite all right to do it to fluster and tease her.

Juliana finally swallowed down the bout of emotion that was growing in her chest, and laughed quietly, “ _I_ spotted you first, you dummy,” she managed to say roughly, around the thickness in her throat.

Valentina heard how much she had affected her, and moved her head back, to make eye contact. “Whatever. I _came back_ for you. And so, you’re mine, now,” she attempted to wink, both her eyes closing comically, “no take-backs.”

And the conviction in Valentina’s voice, that absolute certainty that Juliana had not been on a path to nothingness, halfway to a life full of pain and unfulfillment, but rather, sitting on the wings, waiting for her chance, was so _powerful_.

Juliana stared at her for so long, it was Valentina who got a little flustered.

How could she not be strong, when she had Valentina standing by her side? Ready to be her rock, should she falter even for one moment?

_Speak of people who got to stand on the shoulders of giants._

Juliana _had_ believed in herself, with an intensity that burned in her stomach and pushed angry words out of her lungs whenever anyone would put her down; but she also was a realist. It would have been nearly impossible to reach this life-path had she not met Valentina, particularly when the odds had been so bad, the cards all staked against her. She would have lost Lupe to Alacrán without Valentina’s help, she was almost sure. And, then, lost herself in the aftermath. 

She _would have resurfaced_ , that was something she knew in the core of who she was, something she believed with everything that she was, but at what cost?

What person would have emerged?

It made needles go through Juliana’s chest, the love she felt for Valentina, for this wonderful woman that had gifted her this life: her life.

_Their life_.

Juliana reached an arm around Valentina and hugged her thin frame, hand on a bare shoulder, thumb immediately caressing the soft skin. She pulled her close, kissing her cheek lovingly, “absolutely no take-backs.”

xxx

They got invited to the roof party of The New York Times to celebrate the new year. Valentina wore a comically large parka, on top of one of the finest dresses Juliana had ever seen her wear. She could hardly move her eyes away from Valentina’s body in that dress.

“Val,” she whispered when she saw her, round eyes dipping down, blushing furiously.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Valentina teased, touching her nose with a gentle finger, “eyes up, _Señorita_ Valdés. We’re going to be late.”

It was, of course, not a secret to Juliana that when Valentina put in the barest, minimum of efforts, she was top model beautiful. But on their day to day life, there was so much to love about Valentina, when she was so kind, and joyful, and all around wonderful, that her looks sometimes receded to the back of Juliana’s head, and so, it was easy to be blinded anew by her beauty.

There was not a bone of conceit in Valentina, and she would usually not care that much about her own appearance, focused as she was on her professional development as an upcoming journalist, always wearing her jeans and loose blouses, hair tied back in a ponytail or with just some simple pins to the sides.

“Would it kill you to wear a bit of eyeliner, Vale?” Eva had asked the last time they visited.

Now that she was free, Eva was living in a condo, close to the Carvajal tower. A three-bedroom house that she shared with Malu, and often, with Mateo.

She was the happiest Valentina had ever seen her.

She was still the most annoyingly intense person Valentina knew.

That day, Valentina and Juliana had both been wearing short jeans and colorful t-shirts. Both tired and happy on their way back from a day out at the cumbres del Ajusco national park. Hair messy from the wind, cheeks red from the sun.

Eva had looked them both up and down with a look of disapproval.

“Or wear, I don’t know, a good bra,” this Eva had said pointing at Juliana, “I’m sure she’d appreciate that, right?”

Juliana had unconsciously looked at Valentina’s chest and immediately, caught herself, looking at the ceiling and blushing bright red. Valentina had noticed, laughed in joy and moved against her, asking in a sultry voice, “would you, Juls?”

Juliana had kept quiet, knowing that, sometimes, silence was the best part of courage.

And damn right, Juliana did appreciate _everything_ about Valentina and how she looked, both when she chose to dress up and when she did not.

But, yeah, when Valentina dressed up minimally, Juliana was always floored.

_How did I luck into this?_

“Wow,” she finally managed to say, looking Valentina up and down.

“Do you like it?” Valentina twirled around, showing Juliana the back of the dress.

There was not much of it.

Juliana laughed, “like it? You look beautiful, Val. You’re going to kill them when you show up.”

“It’s from that designer shop you liked so much, the one in 11th?”

Juliana nodded, “I know.” She could tell by the cut.

She let her fingers caress lightly over Valentina’s back, making them both tremble. It was going to be a long evening, if she was this worked up already, but she looked forward to it, “we should get going, _cariño_ , or we are going to be late.”

They arrived at 10PM. The party was in full swing.

Valentina introduced her to quite a few of her colleagues, Juliana putting a face to several people she knew by name, from Valentina’s stories, “this is Juliana, my girlfriend. She is a designer.”

Juliana started to get amused quite soon, realizing most of them did not realize Valentina meant girlfriend, _girlfriend_.

For someone like Valentina, breaking free of the stereotypes and molds were most people would place her was never easy. Even if Valentina kept her arm firmly on Juliana’s waist most of the evening, caressing her shoulders and her arms and back any chance she got, by Juliana’s count, at least three people hit on Valentina just in the first hour, right in front of her. Of course, two others tried to invite _her_ for a drink or a dance in that time, too.

“They’re not getting it,” she laughed when the last disappointed suitor left them after a long chat with an oblivious Valentina.

“Getting what?”

“The girlfriend part.”

“What? Why?”

“That guy was hitting on you, Val.”

Valentina crossed her arms indignantly, “he was _not_.”

Juliana laughed, charmed, then, she tapped Valentina’s crossed arms, “come dance.”

Valentina did a happy jump in place, “I thought you’d never ask.”

“That’s because you're a terrible dancer, Val,” she teased, “I was waiting for a slow one.”

“You just wanted an excuse to get handsy.”

It was a slow dance, and so they moved together, Valentina’s arms going around her shoulders and hers going around her waist. They swayed together, almost in place.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Juliana said.

“Who else was I going to invite.”

Juliana laughed, “I don’t know, the thousand people that would come with you if you just looked their way, Val,” she moved her face from Valentina’s shoulder and looked around them, “like half the people in this party, for example.”

Valentina squeezed her, their ribs pressing together for a moment. “The other half would invite you; you know that, right?”

Juliana shook her head, “Val-,”

She could not finish, because Valentina took that moment to kiss her.

They stayed for the countdown, on the roof, huddled under Valentina's giant parka. Valentina enthusiastically shouting the numbers as the clock approached midnight. Juliana just staring at her, smile so big, her cheeks hurt.

That night they made love in their cozy apartment, in downtown Manhattan, and when Valentina came in her arms, Juliana’s chest hurt.

xxx

May came, and with it, the end of Valentina’s internship.

Those days, Juliana was back in Mexico, talking to some designers and figuring out what to do next. She had been working hard the last few months and wanted to show her designs around. The changing light, the mixed crowds, and constant beat of the city acting as an incredible inspiration. She knew she had some great designs in her portfolio.

Valentina’s boss, Sheryl WuDunn, was very impressed with her and called her to her office, to offer her a full contract, starting immediately.

That day, in that office at The New York Times, sitting across from the intense International Business editor, facing a window overlooking the theater lights at 41st, Valentina knew something about herself with absolute clarity.

All her doubts disappeared.

“Thank you very much, this is a wonderful opportunity,” she smiled.

“But?”

Valentina shook her head, “there is no but.”

“There is, otherwise, you would have said yes immediately,” Sheryl had smiled, and so Valentina had confided the truth.

“ _But_ my heart is walking around Mexico City as we speak.”

Sheryl had nodded, “I will need a reply by Friday.”

These months, in New York, with Juliana by her side, had told Valentina all she needed to know about what she wanted: a life fully lived, with Juliana by her side.

She could be happy anywhere in the world, if they were together.

She had known before, but now she _knew_.

She almost skipped to their apartment in one of the red brick town houses in Manhattan. It was a sunny day, the spring in full bloom. She bought some flowers on the way home, intend to decorate their living room and, then, attempt to cook something nice for Juliana.

Attempt being the key word.

_There is always take-out._

She was supposed to pick Juliana up at 5PM in JFK, so she still had plenty of time. She could try a new recipe she had found online for making Spanish rice, a _paella_. It was a dish that was hard to get right, but also, hard to get completely wrong.

She stopped when she turned the corner on her street.

There, in the sidewalk, was Juliana, sitting at the stairs of their building.

“Juls, _mi amor_ ,” she whispered, looking at the boxes and luggage lined up by her side, her heart beating hard against her ribs, bird in a cage. 

She rushed to her, confused and exited, “how? What? When did you arrive? And, this?” she pointed at the cases and luggage.

Juliana stood up, hugging her quickly. Then, she reached up on her tiptoes and gave her a kiss, “this is a yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, to the rest of our lives.”

Juliana then explained that the top Mexican designer, Kris Goyri, had loved her designs, and offered her a job here, in New York, “we’ve been really happy here, haven’t we?” she murmured between kisses, “and those people at The Times would be idiots to let you go.”

Valentina would not admit it later, but she had squealed so loud and so high, two of their neighbors popped their heads out of their windows, wondering about the noise.

xxx

It took them a bit to really settle down, but the flight from New York to Mexico City was direct, and so they still felt quite close to the family. Their jobs allowing them the freedom to travel often, and also, for others to visit them.

Eva loved to visit with little Malu, going shopping and letting Valentina spoil the little girl.

Lupita also visited quite often, their apartment on New York having a convenient room for visitors.

“Val,” Juliana called from her studio, “mom says she’s downstairs, and that she needs us to help her with a table,” she walked into the living room, reaching a hand towards Valentina, who was watching CNN, and pulling her up, “c’mon, up! let’s go help.”

“A table?” Valentina asked distractedly, as she followed Juliana out of the flat and into the lift, pulled by the hand.

Juliana shrugged her shoulders, “sometimes it’s best not to ask.”

“Offtt, what-,” Valentina said as she bumped into Juliana’s back as she exited the lift.

“Hey, Juls, move,” she pushed lightly, “why are you-,” she began to ask before she fell silent, finally seeing around Juliana.

Standing at the end of the stairs, on the sidewalk, were a broadly smiling Lupita, Milagros, and Barbara.

Barbara was holding a chicken.

FIN.


End file.
